Reasons For Living
Life is a challenge; there is no doubt about it. But how we approach life’s challenges, the attitude we have towards the trials, the level of support offered to us, the resources available to us, will all be added to the mix in determining our ability to cope. As we are all different, we will respond differently to pressure. Some of us even thrive on pressure. Stress and strong emotion can be detected in the posture and expressions of some people, while others manage to hide their true feelings.
So what makes us vulnerable to thinking that life is no longer worth living. Experiencing bereavement, or any other loss and /or a traumatic life event of any kind, will create overwhelming feelings in a person that they may never have felt before. How do we cope when we experience the unexpected and devastating news about the death of someone we know? It is only natural to want to avoid pain and discomfort. These are feelings that can make it seem like we are out of control. It is at times like these that we need to seek support, a friend to talk to, an agency that specialises in understanding what this pain feels like, a GP or Spiritual Guide. Ignoring or suppressing the pain will not make it go away. Time alone is not necessarily a healer. Time plus the interventions of support will allow opportunity to process the pain and come to some resolutions which will make life manageable again.
One particularly vulnerable group to show support to is those people who have experienced bereavement by suicide. A death can have an impact on many people connected to the deceased, not only close family members. Experiencing the death of a loved one by suicide is a major stressor to a person’s physical and mental health. This can be a significant impact on those affected by the suicide, on all aspects of their life including relationships, employment and finances. The grief can express itself in risky coping behaviours such as drug and alcohol abuse, self-neglect, aggression, gambling, sexual promiscuity, self-harm as well as suicide.
Being bereaved by suicide is further complicated by stigma from society, which can leave the bereaved with unhelpful and complicated feelings to sort through, often alone, as the shame associated with the experience prevents them asking for help. As with so much of our emotional pain, we tend to hide it and keep it to ourselves, trying to protect those we love and are close to us. This can often hinder the bereaved receiving the support that they need.
There are so many questions that need to be asked and worked through when someone has experienced bereavement by suicide. It will challenge the bereaved to reassess and re-evaluate their own life.
But there is hope. There is a way forward for those who have been bereaved by suicide. Grief is a natural response to losing a loved one but it is good to be aware that “grief is as individual as a fingerprint” (author unknown). There is no one size fits all approach to this grieving process but there are common factors which will promote resilience. Offering support, practically and emotionally is the most vital life line and as soon as possible after the loss. Finding a way forward will include re-connecting with the community, finding new ways of coping via hobbies and activities, and joining support groups for the bereaved. This support needs to be viewed and experienced long term; long after the memory of the event may have been forgotten by the majority.
If you need to talk to someone about any of the issues raised in this blog, then EWG offers brief online confidential counselling via text chat.
Diane, EWG Counsellor
Useful resources:
SOBS: Survivors of bereavement by Suicide -https://uksobs.org/
Suicide Bereavement UK - https://suicidebereavementuk.com/
Papyrus - https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
Compassionate Friends - https://www.tcf.org.uk/
Samaritans - https://www.samaritans.org/
At a Loss (app) - https://www.ataloss.org/
Support after Suicide Partnership - https://supportaftersuicide.org.uk/